I will never be skinny...

I'll never be skinny, and that's ok. I have never been skinny. I have however been healthy, and that is what I'm working towards right now. Something in me has changed and I know that this time, this is it. I'm done being fat and unhealthly. I'm going to do it this time, I just feel it. I really started things up the begining of July. My goal is to be under 200 by Christmas. It is a large goal, but I think I can do it. I'm strong and I'm dedicated. I heard this quote a couple seasons ago on the tv show, The Biggest Loser, "No excuses" so I've been trying that. Yes, I sometimes still find excuses, but I'm trying not to. I'm trying to apply "no excuses" to all of my life.  I really wanted to start with how I feel about myself. My husband loves me, and loves how I look no matter what. I love him for that, but I do not love myself. I want to look better, not only for him but for myself. I'm on my way and I'm feeling great about myself. I am feeling strong and healthy, and most of all, I am happier! I feel like I play with myy kids more already. I want to be the best mom I can be and I just couldn't do that at 244 pounds. But that is the old me, the me that will never return. A big motivation that I have right now is wanting another baby. There is no way that I could feel good about getting pregnant at the weight I'm at. I have a hard time losing weight after a baby. Lincoln in 18 months old and I still have 5 pounds to go until I weighed what I did before I got pregnant with him. I definetly did not lose all the weight after Lorelai. I think a lot of that has to do with not being able to breatfeed. It is emotionaly draining, and puts me in a depressed state of mind when it comes to how I feel about myself. I need to be positive and realize that I do my best, and that is all I can ask of myself. Now, I just need to lose this weight, for me and for my family(present and future). But what is exciting to me is, I'm actually doing it this time. I will be healthy, I will be in shape. I still will never be skinny, but for real, that's fine with me!

Well, he is here and he is so handsome! He was 7 pounds 3 oz and 20 inches when he was born. At his 2 month check up he was 10 and a half pounds and 23 inches, so he is growing. He is on the small side, but doing great! We actually had a little bit of a scare with him though. Luckily his doctor was very thorough and found that Lincoln had something called a hydrocele(A hydrocele is a fluid-filled sack along the spermatic cord within the scrotum). So we had an ultrasound done to confirm that is what the doctor thought it was. The ultrasound tech wasn't allowed to tell us anything, but she didn't seem like anything was wrong(this was on a thursday) and she said that my doctor would call me with the results. Well, the doctor didn't call until Monday and it was actually a nurse that called and said we had to make an appointment at the hospital to go over our results with a urologist. We weren't told anything else, so that was a worry, but we went and it turns out that he does have a hydrocele but he also only has one working testicle, the other died off either in the womb or shortly after. It is not a huge deal, but it does make the hydrocele a little more dangerous. Normally hydroceles go down within a year or so, and they don't require any further treatment. If they don't go down within a year or so surgery has to be done. Well, with Lincoln they don't want to wait one year, it would more likely be around when he is 6 months of age. And if they did surgery they would also "anchor down" his testicle so it wouldn't have complications like the one that died off. (the cord or whatever got twisted and that is how the testicle "died"). So we are hoping that the hydrocele will just go away on it's own, I really don't want Lincoln to have to have surgery. But, I'm just glad it wasn't something more serious. It wasn't the best news, but it was still good. So we will have a follow up appointment in a couple months or so and then go from there.

Lincoln is so stinkin' cute! He is a very happy baby. He smiles all the time. He loves to lay on his playmat and kick the ball that is attached to it. He is just so sweet! and Lorelai is a great big sister. She still doesn't like to get all that close to him, but she is getting better. She will hold his bottle for a little while, it's cute. I know that she loves him though. She says her prayers and blesses Lincoln, and she talks about him too. She just doesn't like to get too close, lol. She is so funny. She is getting so big! I can't believe that she will be in school next year, that is just crazy. I love my kids, they are just awesome. I could not be happier to be their mom.

Lorelai

Here is our little cutie! She will be turning 2 on May 24th! I can't believe how time has just flown by. She amazes me with all the things she does everyday. She talks so much, and is a little parrot that will repeat any and everything that you say. I love her!!!! She is very shy though. People don't seem to believe me that she has a very extensive vocabulary because they don't hear her say very much. But I assure you, she talks and talks, and is hilarious!! I just am so in love with my little girl. She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

Lorelai loves to draw. Sometimes its on the couch....but she will just draw and draw all day long. She loves pens the most though, she will use crayons and colored pencils(we haven't introduced markers yet...and don't think we will anytime soon), but she will always find a pend and just go to town. One of my favorite things she does is lay on her stomach and draw with her little feet up in the air. I haven't taken a picture of that yet, but I will soon! So cute.

She still uses a bottle. People say that it is bad for her and everything, but ya know what? I remember filling up my own bottle(I would add some Hershey's syrup too), and I turned out just fine! I know she will get sick of it one day, so I don't think it is that big of deal. It is mostly just when she wakes up and when she is getting tired. The rest of the day she drinks from a cup. And a lot of the time not even a sippy cup, a regular cup, and she does really well. So, I'm not going to feel bad about giving her a bottle!

Steve and I have been working out lately, and Lorelai mocks us! Ok, so she is just trying to do what we do, but it sometimes feels like she is mocking. She is cute though. She jumps up and down, and even finds this little 3 pound weights we have and lifts those up. So cute!

Our new home.

Ok, so I keep saying I'm going to start doing this and I just never seem to do it, so I'm starting right here, right now! So, it happened. I never thought it would, I said it would never happen to me, but it happened. I live in Utah!!! Steve got a job with the church after his internship, so we will be staying in Utah for awhile. Long enough that we decided to buy a house. It is in Saratoga Springs. Steve's office is moving to Riverton soon(they keep pushing back the date though, it was supposed to be the beginning of this year, then march, then July, then September, now they say for sure by the end of the year) and he will be about 15 minutes away from work, so not too bad. I just feel bad for him because we will be moving into our home mid-May so he will have to commute all the way to Salt Lake still. But we are happy and we feel good about the move. We got a really good deal with government grants and things, pretty much we were given a total of $20,000 by the government(federal and state) and the builder to buy this home. It is 2600sq feet, 5 bed, 3 full bath, 3 car garage(you can't see that with my lovely photography skills). It is beautiful!!!! It is RIGHT down the street from a nice big park that I'm sure Lorelai is going to love. And also right across from the park is a new elementary school, which is where Lorelai will go in just 3 short years. Crazy!