I will never be skinny...

I'll never be skinny, and that's ok. I have never been skinny. I have however been healthy, and that is what I'm working towards right now. Something in me has changed and I know that this time, this is it. I'm done being fat and unhealthly. I'm going to do it this time, I just feel it. I really started things up the begining of July. My goal is to be under 200 by Christmas. It is a large goal, but I think I can do it. I'm strong and I'm dedicated. I heard this quote a couple seasons ago on the tv show, The Biggest Loser, "No excuses" so I've been trying that. Yes, I sometimes still find excuses, but I'm trying not to. I'm trying to apply "no excuses" to all of my life.  I really wanted to start with how I feel about myself. My husband loves me, and loves how I look no matter what. I love him for that, but I do not love myself. I want to look better, not only for him but for myself. I'm on my way and I'm feeling great about myself. I am feeling strong and healthy, and most of all, I am happier! I feel like I play with myy kids more already. I want to be the best mom I can be and I just couldn't do that at 244 pounds. But that is the old me, the me that will never return. A big motivation that I have right now is wanting another baby. There is no way that I could feel good about getting pregnant at the weight I'm at. I have a hard time losing weight after a baby. Lincoln in 18 months old and I still have 5 pounds to go until I weighed what I did before I got pregnant with him. I definetly did not lose all the weight after Lorelai. I think a lot of that has to do with not being able to breatfeed. It is emotionaly draining, and puts me in a depressed state of mind when it comes to how I feel about myself. I need to be positive and realize that I do my best, and that is all I can ask of myself. Now, I just need to lose this weight, for me and for my family(present and future). But what is exciting to me is, I'm actually doing it this time. I will be healthy, I will be in shape. I still will never be skinny, but for real, that's fine with me!